GeffyB

First Connection:

You gasp and I delight
Pain wracks your body in the night

I stop and wait
For the pain to abate
Pains gone
First flesh connection!

(Music break)

Shivers run up and down your spine
No sense of pain or Time

Jolts of pleasure wrack your body
Besides us there is nobody

Eyes lost with lust
Entwine us in our act of love:

(Guitar solo here)

In the night your ecstacy peaks
A pressure increase inside your thighs
Greater than the highest of highs.

A yell, A groan
A long drawn out moan

Our time tonight you will never forget.

Our first night of flesh connection

Ms.Andi

There's something sinister about these lyrics. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that it is not dark enough to be really interesting. I'm also not convinced that you wrote this wanting the song to go in that direction.

edited to correct typo.

trick-r-treat

I don't get the title, but it does sound like a song about that first time together.

Ms.Andi

trick-r-treat, unfortunately, the more I re-read it, the more it sounds like the deflowering of some unprepared adolescent by an inexperienced sadist. In a short series of rather unimaginative lyrics, the poor victim is described as being wracked with both pain and pleasure.

There may be something interesting in there, but first, I think that the writer needs to make up his mind where he wants to go with this song. I have no interest in being cruel, but lyrics posted for critique deserve honest feedback.

muchojackdaniels

i kinda like it

Cashie

i thnk its quite a good song *claps*