xxmynameisjohnxx

Ok, so I started writing tonight for my first song in a long time, and here are the lyrics I got.
I wanna know what you think!

All these feeling in my heart
That are coming up in me.
Flowing through
Deep within my soul.

We took our time through thick and thin
When you were mine,
and being “us” was in.

Now the times have changed
And life carries on.
You’re still with him,
And I’m still alone.
But don’t you know I’m still alone?

Everything I know is true,
Keeps bringing me back to you
Everything that’s beautiful, only makes me think of you.
Won’t you see I want this, “us”,
All our lives spent in our arms
Our actions showing side by side
With nothing to keep us but our hands

Life can take us for a spin,
But I know I’ll be there for you.
All I know and all I wish,
Lives inside your every breath.

We’ve become so far away,
That all our love won’t seem to stay.
Know this above anything,
I’ll love you forever,
There and back again.

Everything I know is true,
Keeps bringing me back to you
Everything that’s beautiful, only makes me think of you.
Won’t you see I want this, “us”,
All our lives spent in our arms
Our actions showing side by side
With nothing to keep us but our hands
With nothing to keep us but our hands.

I've got the basics of the music for it worked out, it's in the key of D and is at a moderate pace, I might add in an acoustic guitar part and do some stuff with fruity loops on the computer, but right now it's just based on the piano.
Tell me what you think!

icheadle90

*Claps* Freaking amazing song-writing. I love it.

Ozma

i think it's crap. To much clichés. "broken heart" "life carries on" i mean c'mon.

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Ozma

I don't you fucking whine about me being harsh. You asked for our opinions if i lied it would be useless.

__________________
www.myspace.com/bitetheapplemusic

icheadle90

I saw no whining...

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www.myspace.com/iancheadle - me. feel free to friend request me if you want to talk music.

Libertines_Best

its pretty good poem mate to be honest i like the simplicity of it, its got a literal meaning no one has to dwelge to deep to work out what its about

TarandLace

I like the line "thick and thin" I've used it a lot myself ;P

sniezo

I follow the opinion of ozma... But there are some parts that are not bad

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Sniezo sleeps with a night light. Not because sniezo is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of sniezo.

Oculus capricorni

Just a thought, words like "in my heart.....flowing through" suggest blood flowing through a physical heart, the pulsating physicality of our existence, like blood flowing through an umbilical cord and placenta, if you have ever seen one it is weird how much like something from a butcher's shop it is, and it is fresh and alive but no longer attached to your body.....

Also the words "thick and thin", and other words you use made me think of physical parts of the girl's face, her lips and eyebrows, eyeliner, thick and thin painted lines on her face in mascara and blood red lipstick.....and your reference to hands needs to be more physical, maybe rings on her fingers, maybe her loveline ends by her Saturn finger, maybe blue veins, pearly nails, jewels, silver, black lace....

Dunno, sorry, I thought your lyrics were good but need to get a bit more physical depth and detail?

HaoXiaoXi

This would work nicely as a country song :-)

Cashie

Very good

Beeast

clouds cunting clouds