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Old 10-16-2007, 03:11 AM   #1 (permalink)
icheadle90
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Crappy, rough poem I wrote today. ><

In the halls of your school, safe inside
Amidst all the torture and the lies
Still you feel compelled to be
Like everyone else that you see

But nothing has worked thus far
And nothing will work for this heart
Red as blood, as your eyes turn
Nobody sees you as you burn

And under the skin never noticed
A thousand layers of oppressed emotion
And all along, is it this?
As you throw out your clenched fist

And all along through all the pain
Know there was nothing here to gain
Know there was no inner peace
You'll never feel the sweet release


Anger burns like a cigarette
You take in all your past regret
accumulating in your being
Slowing you down as the years go by

And sadness flows like alcohol
Making you forget it all
Suppressing all that surrounds
Reducing the world to light and sound


This is how to live though, is it not?
Choose from a hundred million ways to rot
Under such a complicated wall
These simple shadows cover all

Last edited by icheadle90 : 10-16-2007 at 03:13 AM. Reason: font error
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Old 10-28-2007, 06:41 PM   #2 (permalink)
Libertines_Best
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Re: Crappy, rough poem I wrote today. ><

hey pretty nice poem you've wrote there. you write alot? get back i also wrie alot. I like the context of this poem nice
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Old 10-28-2007, 07:55 PM   #3 (permalink)
icheadle90
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Re: Crappy, rough poem I wrote today. ><

Thanks, and yeah, I write quite a bit for my band. That was just a poem but I mostly write lyrics.
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Old 11-06-2007, 04:24 PM   #4 (permalink)
HoopyFrood
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Re: Crappy, rough poem I wrote today. ><

Please ignore the above post -- it seems they came here purely to stir up trouble and has subsequently been banned.
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Old 12-30-2007, 01:02 AM   #5 (permalink)
TarandLace
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Re: Crappy, rough poem I wrote today. ><

I like this, it's very descriptive..especially emotionally, and you get a good sense of how your feeling. I also like how you've rhymed things, most people can't pull this off..they rhyme too much, or not enough..doesn't use enough words, it flows well and is very interesting read.
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Old 02-17-2008, 01:29 PM   #6 (permalink)
sniezo
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Re: Crappy, rough poem I wrote today. ><

I really like this, now i'm curieus about how it's sounds when someone sings it...
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Old 02-21-2008, 10:08 AM   #7 (permalink)
mastertremble
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Thumbs up Re: Crappy, rough poem I wrote today. ><

hey nice simple song there. yeah you may put a little acoustic parts on that and a little distorted guitars for chorus. and i think for a song like that, an intorduction using piano and violins would be great too. keep it up. also, it is much better if you record it and post it here online, you tube maybe.
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Old 07-17-2008, 03:29 PM   #8 (permalink)
Munchkin
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Re: Crappy, rough poem I wrote today. ><

Quote:
Originally Posted by TarandLace View Post
I like this, it's very descriptive..especially emotionally, and you get a good sense of how your feeling. I also like how you've rhymed things, most people can't pull this off..they rhyme too much, or not enough..doesn't use enough words, it flows well and is very interesting read.
Completely agree, it's not a "crappy" poem; it's fantastic! =]
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